Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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