I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
