This is not my ceiling
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
