i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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