I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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