Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We had sex on a dog bed..
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
