Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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