Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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