Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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