i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Two words: blizzard sex
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize