all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
