Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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