It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
