Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize