We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
