After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
