I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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