I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
