the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
