I hope mine doesn't look like that
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
