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i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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