Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
