Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
