Michael Bay diarrhea
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
