please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
