I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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