Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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