Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize