I looked at my own cervix.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i would one night stand the shit outta him
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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