u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
