Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
