My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
