Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
