I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
