just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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