he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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