I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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