i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
