cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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