that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
there is glitter all over my balls
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
