Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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