i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
