What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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