Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
