Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
