he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
