so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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