yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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