I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
