i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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