dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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