I wish they made helmets for livers.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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