he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
