I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
