He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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