what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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