I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
