fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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