so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
