my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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