i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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