Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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