we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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