Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm too high and old for this...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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