so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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