watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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