I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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