I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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