we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
